I remember when I was a kid, oh I don’t know, maybe 8 or 9 years old, I would regularly think about predestination, (I know, I have always been an over-thinker…) The idea was this, I thought that everything that I had done or will do was already planned out, that maybe I had no choice but to travel the path that was before me with no personal choice! So, with that idea in my head, on a regular basis I remember that I would do something drastic, and think to myself, “there’s no way God knew that was going to happen…” Or did He? I was a weird kid, right? It was as if I was rebelling against the idea that I am not chained to some pattern, that I called the shots and no one else!
Anyway, that “practice” subsided and really didn’t even come to mind until I started writing this… However, a different practice started as I matured, and that has been with me for as long as I can remember. It is that idea that if I had made different decisions my life would have lead me on “better” paths, “If I only I had done things differently.” Grass is greener and all that…
Hindsight is 20/20 as the saying goes… Not sure of the origin of this saying, yet it reminds me of this passage:
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
1 Corinthians 13:12
Something in me always longs for the opportunity to fix the wrongs in my past or take something back that I said or did that hurt another or diminished an opportunity. I regularly see a desire to “go back” into past times and make decisions differently that may have changed something significantly! I have wasted many an hour pondering “How much better things would have turned out for me if I had only…” It makes me think of Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite, “Yeah… Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would’ve been state champions.” It’s funny and I resemble that comment, embarrassing as that is to admit.
The Word of God has a take that I think clears much of this idea up for me:
“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps”
Proverbs 16:9
The Bible changes everything for me… It’s a hard lesson, to be sure, and it’s a relief at the same time. I have plans and dreams, however, God steps in to shape the path that I am on! Yes, I can rebel and jump over here, when the clear path is over there! Yet, there still remains a clear path…
And now, another anecdote “My way or the highway!” That was Jonas’ road. I take that path at times, but I fear where that road leads. I also find fear on the path that God has for me! The uncertainty of it… As it turns out, that path may not lead me to this “thing” that I want or at least what I think I want! I take comfort, fairly regularly, in praying through one of my favorite Psalms on a regular basis and I reflect on what David is seeking:
“Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”
Psalm 143:8
“Do I trust where God has lead me, and is leading me?” That is the real question!
The idea plays out like this, I have come to realize that I don’t know what is best for myself! I am where I am for a reason that God has determined! I strongly desire to know the way to go in every area of my life and what outcomes will be established… But ultimately, God may not reveal anything to me as I walk with Him. I find that knowing God is practicing the idea that I simply need to be courageous and take the next step, on His path. My prayer then changes to, “God, I pray that your path is not overwhelming!”
“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!”
Psalm 143:10
David wanted to travel a smooth path in God’s will too! That’s a relief! I mean if that guy did it I feel a lot better about my own desires. I see the path is not determined by me alone or by God alone, it is a road traveled together, walking with God. God leading and me following closely! I have agency to walk with God! It is not passive as God does require something of me, not works, but a heart condition!
“Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”
Hebrews 12:12-14
It can get overwhelming at times in this busy life. I think is a common experience for many in this present age. What is overwhelming are the tasks I see before me, all of the different paths to take in each unique situation that I find myself in. Work, health, relationships, money, plans, needs, etc. Each of these areas have different weights and levels of effort and they certainly do not adhere to a one size fits all approach. Or do they? Perhaps putting some things down and picking up better things would be a better approach, although I rarely know what is better for myself!
Simplifying life seems to be a good path forward! Putting more things down and not picking more up!!! What does that mean for me? Selling my truck and saving $750 a month in payment and insurance and using that savings to pay outright for an older truck that I can work on, seeking experiences rather than things, making dinner at home, looking around at what I already have and asking do I really need more stuff, seeking deeper intimacy with people that I have in my life… I find myself being prompted to ask this question more and more, “Do I really need this…?”, “Does this path lead me toward or away from the path that I truly want to travel?
“To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.”
John 10:3-4
Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.”
John 11:9-10
What I am learning, very slowly I might add, is that Jesus is the only voice that I need to listen to. He is the only one that can lead me to the path that I belong on. It’s not an easy path to be certain! I am learning to listen before I step forward. There is hope there alone! Everything else is uncertain!
Pausing! Yep one simple practice. Regret sucks! I have a lot of that. Seems to me that most of those regrets were milestones on the wrong path! Which leads me to an idea that I have discovered, a simple truth… I have the pleasure to walk the path with God and that path is love!
Even when it doesn’t feel like it…
I LOVE this!!